Lately, I've come across so many images of people holding signs in support of gay marriage and cheering in victory for their cause. From seeing these things, I've been faced with thinking about the general concept of protesting and movements of all kinds. As a former animal rights activist, I've done my share of standing outside of whatever establishment the group has deemed non-compassionate toward animals while holding my sign in opposition to them. I've even been arrested a couple times for the cause, but does all that really make a difference?
As soon as I wrote that question, I chuckled to myself. Of COURSE it makes a difference. When people walk down the street and see a demonstration or a group of people protesting with signs painted with dramatic images and clever one-liners, they are going to pause for a moment and maybe laugh at first. Then a judgement is made. Not usually about the issue itself, but about how ridiculous the people are who are protesting. That is making a difference, but is it helping anything? Is it making a positive difference?
When I was an activist, I always felt frustrated about onlookers to our protests. The questions of, "Why can't people see what's wrong here?" and "Why are they laughing when animals are dying?" were always rolling through my head. The more people laughed, the more I grew to hate them. Now, I had to hide this hatred because I was there to teach them a lesson about how things really are. I saw myself as someone who knew more than the average person walking down the street, which is why I held a sign and passed out flyers. I felt like an authority and it showed, which can be really off-putting to most people.
At the time, I felt like I was saving animals as long as I was doing something... ANYTHING to oppose animal exploitation. I went to any and all protests and I was a hardcore vegan. I became part of a group, which felt good. My fellow activists really liked my dedication to the cause. I even became a coordinator for an area that lacked involvement in the movement. I was there to inspire people to get involved and spread awareness across the region. I felt like I was a pioneer of sorts.
Most of all, I felt like I had a group of people who loved me and would be by my side no matter what. Then I got involved in some silly little direct action, that got blown way out of proportion. If you want to read more about the specifics, I wrote all about it here:
http://wheelerpage.blogspot.com/2010/01/october-17-2002.html
I ended up talking to the FBI as a result of a plea deal. I felt like I didn't tell them anything they didn't already know. Which is something I still stand by to this day. It was either talk to them or face felony charges. Even worse, with the Patriot Act, I was up against being labeled a "terrorist." In my mind, it was a no-brainer. After all, I wanted to get back out there to fight for animals and get on with my life. I couldn't very well do that behind bars.
Soon after I was interrogated, I realized even though people didn't know anything about what I said, most of my fellow activists were quick to turn their backs on me for talking to the FBI at all. I was not welcome in the community any longer. All of my hard work and dedication over the years was complete garbage to a lot of them. I didn't matter anymore. Once I was ostracized from a movement that was so dear to me, I realized it was time to move on.
During my transition from activist to regular person, my dad got cancer. He died within six months of his diagnosis. I felt like not only had the animal rights community thrown me to the wolves, I also was being punished by some greater force by having my dad taken from me. It was a very dark time for sure. I was so depressed and demoralized that I didn't feel like anything I did made a difference. That is when I stopped being vegan and started to see the people in the animal rights movement for who they really are. So focused on the one issue of saving the animals that nothing else, not even their own people, matter to them.
Now when I see protesters of any kind, I associate it with my experience. I assume that they are so hellbent on forwarding their one issue that they will mow anything and anyone down that stands in their way. This might not be a fair assessment on my part, but in my mind, it bears some truth because I was neck-deep in it. In all the years I was an activist, I might have convinced a person or two to go vegetarian, but the example I was setting with my inner-hatred for meat eaters and animal exploiters... my fellow people, was inexcusable and absolutely no way to create positive change.
With protesting, there's always a divide. Us against them. When you stand on a street corner with a sign, you define a divide between people. Simply put, it separates us all from each other. It creates an illusion that just because you are standing next to someone for the same cause that they are on your side. At this point in my life, I'm happy to say that I really don't know what the right answer is. I just know in my heart that people change drastically through time and its always a good thing to learn from EACH OTHER. There are no authorities on anything really. Everyone is learning all the time.
If you join a movement or are already in a movement, here are some words of advice. The thing that seems to make the biggest positive difference is putting people first. Even in the animal rights movement. Seeing people as they are and nurturing relationships whether they are activists or not can quite possibly keep a cause growing in the best way possible for years to come. Believing that outsiders (non-activists) can really be your friend, bridges all kinds of gaps. Everyone makes choices and while you may not agree with those choices try to see the person in the best light possible. Don't be quick to throw people away. The funny truth is, they never really go away.
When someone is ostracized from a movement like I was, they still go on existing and making choices. The only difference is they are out of your sight and influence. That doesn't benefit anyone or the greater cause. Try to avoid being "anti" something and turn it into something positive. Like instead of saying that something is bad, show people how it can be great. Its good to remember not let hatred grow in your heart no matter how hard and discouraging things get. Someone who seems like they are on your side may not be. Someone who seems like your enemy today, could be your greatest ally tomorrow.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Danzo in Swim School!
Now that summer is here and Danzo has reached an age where he has established enough language skills to help him follow directions, I thought it would be a good next step to send him off to swim school. He loves the water and now is a prime time to take advantage of that love. Today was the first day so they watched a safety video and did some basic things like bounce in the water, blow bubbles, and float around on a foam pad.
It was a learning experience for him, but also me too! It felt kinda funny sending him off to be taken care of by other people while in the water. After I got used to the idea, I had a lot of fun watching him from the other side of the fence while he didn't know I was there. He was smiling, laughing, and learning. All while making new friends! I'm so glad he's gaining some insight into how to interact with kids his own age. Such a great experience for us. I sure am proud to be his mama.
It was a learning experience for him, but also me too! It felt kinda funny sending him off to be taken care of by other people while in the water. After I got used to the idea, I had a lot of fun watching him from the other side of the fence while he didn't know I was there. He was smiling, laughing, and learning. All while making new friends! I'm so glad he's gaining some insight into how to interact with kids his own age. Such a great experience for us. I sure am proud to be his mama.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
10 Months After Birth... Now What?
My last post was almost a year and a half ago and I have to say that a lot has changed since then. My cat Penn is still alive, which is kind of a surprise. He's not in the best of health, but he's got the most persistent personality of any animal I've ever known. In all honesty though, my animals have really taken a backseat for a while because, oh yeah, I gave birth to my second child almost 10 months ago!
For me, birth is an all-consuming task where I have to put everything else aside to focus on bringing a new life into this world. My first son, Danzo was born in 2009 at the hospital by means of c-section. That was exhausting in its own way because I wanted so much to have an all-natural home birth and it took some time to recover from having a surgery. Initially, I recovered pretty quickly and got out of the hospital after only 2 days instead of the usual 3 because I set my mind to getting out of there.
From this quick progression, it may have seemed from an outsider's perspective that I was absolutely fine and nothing was wrong. Inside, though, the opposite was true. There was a fire inside of me that had been ignited by the experience of losing control in a split second and losing the dream of having a home birth. I always thought I'd have only one child, but from the moment of making the decision to have a c-section, I knew I wasn't done having kids.
After the c-section, I felt betrayed by my own body. I had to deal with the guilty feelings of depriving my child and self of the experience of bringing him into this world in a peaceful home environment. I felt that medical intervention was necessary. Its a choice I'd make the same way again and again if I was faced with the same set of circumstances.
Once my decision was made, I was carted into a sterile room on a table. Numb from the waist down. The drape went up. The scalpel went down. The baby came out and was carried away to a table to get cleaned up and stimulated to breathe. To this day, he is a perfectly healthy child. With that said, it has taken years to deal with this experience and I will be dealing with it until the day I die, but simply put, I don't regret it for a second.
Like everything in life, this happened for a reason. Having a c-section with my first birth, set me on an amazing course of discovery into the potential of the human spirit and body. I gave birth to my second son at home on August 29, 2012. My labor lasted less than 10 hours and during that time, I got a crash course in many things that would probably take a lifetime to learn under normal circumstances.
I learned how manipulate deep physical sensations that would normally be called "pain" through the use of making low sounds. I realized the reality of multiple dimensions by being visited by one of the spirit guides I called upon. Lakshmi appeared in a rain of sparkling light to me and carried me along. I felt the possibility of a peaceful birth experience with every cell in my body. I began to understand my potential of facing my own primal side. I understood a cosmic connection of all mothers everywhere.
Even further, I gained an understanding of the connection of all people everywhere. I was happy to find my faith that there are many goddesses in the universe become reinforced. They are walking among us and beside us. They are brutal and kind at the same time. They are forgiving and bless us with experiences we never knew we could handle.
After the home birth experience, I was left to come back to the mundane day-to-day world. This is the hardest part, which caused more postpartum depression than with the c-section. Coming back to "reality" to deal with things like cooking, cleaning, dealing with people, shopping, paying bills.... YUCK! The transition has been very tough, but after almost 10 months, I think I'm finally starting to be able to deal with reality.
Moving forward, I hope to apply the knowledge I gained in labor to powerfully materialize all I want in my life. Right now, I am at an intersection with many possible turns. My husband is looking at new job opportunities at work, we're looking to buy our first house, Danzo is branching out and learning new things, second son, William is doing new things every day and also seems to be coming to earth. Who knows what the future has in store for my family. I know everything will work out. Patience, perseverance, faith, and understanding that there will be many variables and unknowns along the way with probably be the perfect formula to get through.
For me, birth is an all-consuming task where I have to put everything else aside to focus on bringing a new life into this world. My first son, Danzo was born in 2009 at the hospital by means of c-section. That was exhausting in its own way because I wanted so much to have an all-natural home birth and it took some time to recover from having a surgery. Initially, I recovered pretty quickly and got out of the hospital after only 2 days instead of the usual 3 because I set my mind to getting out of there.
From this quick progression, it may have seemed from an outsider's perspective that I was absolutely fine and nothing was wrong. Inside, though, the opposite was true. There was a fire inside of me that had been ignited by the experience of losing control in a split second and losing the dream of having a home birth. I always thought I'd have only one child, but from the moment of making the decision to have a c-section, I knew I wasn't done having kids.
After the c-section, I felt betrayed by my own body. I had to deal with the guilty feelings of depriving my child and self of the experience of bringing him into this world in a peaceful home environment. I felt that medical intervention was necessary. Its a choice I'd make the same way again and again if I was faced with the same set of circumstances.
Once my decision was made, I was carted into a sterile room on a table. Numb from the waist down. The drape went up. The scalpel went down. The baby came out and was carried away to a table to get cleaned up and stimulated to breathe. To this day, he is a perfectly healthy child. With that said, it has taken years to deal with this experience and I will be dealing with it until the day I die, but simply put, I don't regret it for a second.
Like everything in life, this happened for a reason. Having a c-section with my first birth, set me on an amazing course of discovery into the potential of the human spirit and body. I gave birth to my second son at home on August 29, 2012. My labor lasted less than 10 hours and during that time, I got a crash course in many things that would probably take a lifetime to learn under normal circumstances.
I learned how manipulate deep physical sensations that would normally be called "pain" through the use of making low sounds. I realized the reality of multiple dimensions by being visited by one of the spirit guides I called upon. Lakshmi appeared in a rain of sparkling light to me and carried me along. I felt the possibility of a peaceful birth experience with every cell in my body. I began to understand my potential of facing my own primal side. I understood a cosmic connection of all mothers everywhere.
Even further, I gained an understanding of the connection of all people everywhere. I was happy to find my faith that there are many goddesses in the universe become reinforced. They are walking among us and beside us. They are brutal and kind at the same time. They are forgiving and bless us with experiences we never knew we could handle.
After the home birth experience, I was left to come back to the mundane day-to-day world. This is the hardest part, which caused more postpartum depression than with the c-section. Coming back to "reality" to deal with things like cooking, cleaning, dealing with people, shopping, paying bills.... YUCK! The transition has been very tough, but after almost 10 months, I think I'm finally starting to be able to deal with reality.
Moving forward, I hope to apply the knowledge I gained in labor to powerfully materialize all I want in my life. Right now, I am at an intersection with many possible turns. My husband is looking at new job opportunities at work, we're looking to buy our first house, Danzo is branching out and learning new things, second son, William is doing new things every day and also seems to be coming to earth. Who knows what the future has in store for my family. I know everything will work out. Patience, perseverance, faith, and understanding that there will be many variables and unknowns along the way with probably be the perfect formula to get through.
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